My power was only the beginning.

No one can steal your power, unless you let them.

Unfortunately in life, for most, our powers come into play when it's already to late.  As a young adult my power my was constantly being tested.
I was put through a series of trials in which no young person should have to face. I was mentally, physically and emotional violated by the man my mother thought was her soul mate.  For years to come I was belittled and made to feel insignificant.  I hated the thought of going home. I found myself sleeping over my friends house more than I ever stayed at home.
When I turned  thirteen I finally found the courage to tell me mother. I honestly didn't foresee the events that happened that day. Unbeknownst to my mother and I, my mothers ( soul mate) was also violating my sisters as well. Had I not had the courage to speak up, my sisters would have never spoken up as well. Unfortunately it wasn't all roses and cotton candy afterwards. My mother at first was in severe denial and she refused to believe any of us. She eventually realized the truth and kicked him out, however, she still allowed him to visit on many occasion which in term caused us more harm than good. I felt as though I was being taunted by him. I couldn't escape  him, everywhere I turned there he was. Unfortunately in order to escape my demons I turned to self inflicting harm. I would hurt myself in order to feel physical pain rather than emotional. When that wasn't enough I entertained suicide; that's when I lost my power.

                                               
   

       

After many years of self inflicting harm and thoughts of suicide, I finally had enough.  I admitted myself to the nearest psyche ward which was in Boston Medical Center and began treatment.  It took me a long time to realize my own worth. After my Appointed time at BMC I decided not to return to my mothers house and instead moved to Florida with my aunt. It was in Florida where I found myself and realized what potential I had.  I became an active community member, I spoke and mentored young adults with similar upbringings as mines. I was Honest with them and made sure they understood that things weren't always going to be easy. "We have along road ahead of us. there will be times where it seems as though the worlds conspiring against us, and there will times where we'll relapse and hurt our self's however, we are stronger and can over come these challenges if we stick and remember our worth. I learned so much about myself that year. Not only do I enjoy making a difference in peoples lives I also enjoy public speaking and reaching out to different audiences.



When I am at my worst and feels as though the worlds closing in on me, I step back and look at the bigger picture. Do I hurt myself because someone else has hurt me? Do I run away to contemplate suicide? Do I lock myself in my own world and completely disregard my responsibilities? No. I AM EMELY and I will not let any one make me feel inferior!
When situations as these arise I take long walks and try not to think..which is really impossible mind you, I'm always thinking. I've also started learning breathing exercises that help usually when I'm upset.  I also have the best reminder, my son. He reminds me that the world isn't as bad as it seems. 


Had I not admitted myself I would have lost my power forever. I'm thankful everyday for the choices I made to get better. I am Alive and in love with the angel that was bestowed upon me. Had I committed suicide I wouldn't have been blessed with the miracle that is Nathan.

When I was a limitless child

I'd read all day with no consequences to behold 

I'd play outside with no curfew in view

I'd hold my brother and never let go

When I was a limitless child 

I'd skip all day and play in the grass

I'd climb trees and battle pirates

When I was a limitless child

I'd soar through the sky and number the stars

I'd traveled the world looking for lost treasure

I'd roam the streets looking for clues

When I was a limitless child

I saw the world in black and white

 I still believed in human nature 

I still held on to innocence 

When I was a limitless child
I saw the purity in everything
I saw what the world could be 
and I experienced what the world could offer.

                                                                                                         

Dearest, Brother

                                                                    

My oldest sister, brother and I

 Dearest Brother,

 The purpose of this letter is to inform you of your significant impact on my life. Every time I think of you I'm In awe.  You, my love, were put through so much and not once did your smile falter. Your presence alone was all I needed to calm the raging storm within my soul. With you by my side all was conquered. I always looked forward to coming home from school and spending time with you. You were always so happy and full of energy. More often that not I wished I had your attitude and zest for life. 

I spent many years wondering whether or not you remembered me, whether or not you were okay. I still remember the day I transferred to a new school and ran into you during lunch period.  I was speechless, I wasn't sure it was really you. God that day was the most painful and most exciting day of my life. Ever since you were taken away, I have never been the same. I remember approaching you and thinking you hadn't changed a bit. You still had your zest for life. You were able to look at life In a way I couldn't comprehend. Till this day it amazes me that you still have that child like quality even after all you've been through. You were abandoned by the one person who should have been there for you. You were placed in the hands of the Government without a second thought.  How lonely are you? What do you think about at night? Do you hate us? I want you to know that you have always been in my thoughts. Not one day goes by that I don't think of you. What was done to you was unfair and inhumane. To give up one's child Is one thing but to never visit them is downright twisted. Even now as I write this letter I question whether your alive or not. I haven't seen you in over ten years. Can you ever forgive me?    
                       

                       Though this isn't exactly a happy thank you letter, I just want you to know that you have changed me for the better. I spent most of my life blaming myself for what happened to you. Not living life nor appreciating it. You were my only ally in a house full of people that only cared about their own selfish needs. Your happiness was the only thing keeping me sane; with you gone there was nothing more for me.  After many years of self hate I came to the conclusion that you were honestly better of than I was. Though you never saw your family you had one of your own. I'm honestly happy that you were taken away from such a hostile environment, had you stayed there your light would have dimmed. I am also happy to announce that you are  now an uncle to a handsome, mischievous, ninja wannabe four year old. Through you I was able to learn and forget. You taught me that no matter what life throws at you, one must remain happy through all obstacles. I also learned that life's greatest joy is the ability to Love even in dark times.  Thank You for guiding me even though you were unaware of it. Thank you for loving me and  being the best brother any girl could ask for.  By the way, Nathan, who's your nephew looks just like you.....it's scary.

Ever loving

Your love is pure 

and gentle

You give with all your heart

and all your might.

You never questioned 

you lived

You embraced me

as no one has ever done before

You brought color

to my nonexistent life

You sought me

when no one else would

Your smile alone

vanquished all my demons

Your mere  presence 

conquered all my struggles

The magnitude of your love alone

brought me to my knees 

How can one being 

affect me so much

How can one person 

love and forgive so readily 

Your spirit is like no other

 gentle and all consuming 

People gravitate to you

like a moth to a flame

You bring joy to

those who are desolate 

and in need of love

You, my love, are a wonder

like no other

                                                                

Simply me

                                             

My first Birthday

       Hello, my name is Emely Narvaez.  I was born in a beautiful Island known as Puerto Rico twenty five years ago. I currently live in Boston, Ma and have lived here for the past twenty years. I don't remember much of Puerto Rico, but what I do remember is the feeling of community. Everyone new one another, everyone came and went as they pleased. I especially remember the feeling of grass on my feet as I ran barefoot everywhere. Looking back now, I wonder how my life would've turned out had my family not moved. My Family consist of three girls and two boys. I am the second eldest but act as though i'm the first born. My family unfortunately isn't very close, my two sisters and I were never taught to value and cherish one another. We don't function well under one roof. My youngest sister likes to tell everyone what to do; she's a dictator and it absolutely drives me mad. My oldest sister is quite the opposite, she believes the entire world is against her. She also believes i'm out to steal all her boyfriends when in reality I could care less about them. All in all we couldn't get any more dysfunctional. 



                                                       

Love the feeling of grass on my feet

  

            I usually spend 95% of my free time reading and harassing my four year old.  He's to independent for my liking so therefor I force him to hang out with me and take endless amounts of pictures with me. I nearly lost my son before and after he was born. Nathan was diagnosed with Tetralogy of Fallot when he was born.  Tetralogy of Fallot is a rare condition caused by a combination of four heart defects that are present at birth. These defects, which affect the structure of the heart, cause oxygen-poor blood to flow out of the heart and into the rest of the body. Infants and children with Tetralogy of Fallot usually have blue-tinged skin because their blood doesn't carry enough oxygen. As the doctors were describing the procedures and precautions I had to take In regards to Nathan's health I just lost it. Not only did I have to go through hell to keep him in my womb (my body rejects pregnancies) now I had to fight to keep him alive!! Nathan has gone through two heart surgeries and a spat of others. Nathan will always be my miracle baby and I thank God everyday for him. 



                                                   

Yet another picture in which I force Nathan to take with me 

                                                   

Nathan's first heart surgery at four months

 My coworkers and friends would describe me as resilient. I refuse to give up and be brought down. I'll be honest and admit that sometimes it's easier to give up then to fight. My teacher who shall not be named describes me as sarcastic and feisty. I can be very feisty when the situation calls for it. Most peoples impression of me is calm and collective; Which is far from the truth. I'd like to think that i'm adult enough to know when a situation calls for a reaction however, there are times in which i'm just fed up and loose it. Human nature at it's best. When people first meet me they never think i'm Hispanic, I always get Italian, Portuguese and even Jewish. I was told that I don't exude the attitude and cockiness of a Hispanic....what does that even mean???   

           #25  I choose to find hopeful and optimistic ways to look at this. 

 I have always                                                                                                                                           

Chosen to 

Hinder myself

Over the smallest interference 

Optimism eluded me 

Serenity baffled me

Envious of others 

Time finally caught up with me

Obstacles no longer 

Faced me                                                                                                                                       

Insecurities no longer held me 

Negative words 

Dissolved in my presence 

Hope and 

Optimism flourished

Pessimism vanished

Evil no longer prevailed 

Freedom of mind

Upheld me 

Light embraced me 

Awareness settled 

Notions of hope

Descended upon me 

Opportunities arose

Purpose ignited within me 

Transformation became me 

Inner peace 

Moved me 

Inspiration engulfed me 

Sense of pride 

Thrived within my being

Instinct propelled me forward 

Clarity though obscured was within my reach   

Willingness to be optimistic 

At all times changed preconceived thoughts of me

Yearnings for a better life 

Stimulated my soul into a 

Tranquil state of mind

Overcoming my pessimistic ways

Learning to accept change I

Overcame my fears of failure 

Optimism and hope to my

Knowledge were the best weapons

Any one could have 

Triumph and

Transformation

Humbled me
Insight into 
Self awareness became me